my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Randomize
