he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Randomize
