I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
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