Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Randomize
