no, he came in my armpit
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Randomize
