I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
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