When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
