3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
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