i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
