filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
