he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
