Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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