i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
