Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
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