Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Randomize
