found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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