You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Randomize
