Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
