is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
Randomize
