So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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