I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
