How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize
