Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
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