i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Randomize
