I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
I feel like abortions should bother me more
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize