When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
That accounts for only three of the penises
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
