You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
Randomize
