since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
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