...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
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