I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
We left an ass print on the piano.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize