his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
