similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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