Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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