why didn't you poke me back
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Randomize
