I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Randomize
