Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize
