Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize
