I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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