Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
