Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Randomize
