I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
Randomize
