Moan for me like Helen Keller
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
Randomize
