We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
There r osticjed everywhere
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Randomize
