Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
