When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
ttyl tear gas
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
