I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
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