Just cropdusted the office
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
