On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
We talked him into tasing himself.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Randomize
