i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
