I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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