bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Randomize
