your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
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