We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
