Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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