he puts the penis in happiness.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize