The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
she told me i tasted like america
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
Randomize
