I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Randomize
