Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
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