I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
