Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
Congratulations! We have a period
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