Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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