Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
