THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
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