Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
